Fine Lines is a weekly newsletter at the intersection of organisational prosperity and human development - for leaders who have already tried the obvious fixes and are now asking better questions. Each Tuesday: one idea from real experience and research, examined with enough rigour to be useful and enough honesty to sting slightly. The equation running underneath every edition: Capability × Ability = Performance. Most interventions address the Ability side. Fine Lines addresses the variable nobody is measuring. If you want frameworks and inspiration there are better newsletters. If you want your thinking challenged and, occasionally, your assumptions dismantled then you are in the right place.
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Why is Leadership so Fu@k!ng hard?? 🤷♂️
Published about 2 years ago • 5 min read
August 30, 2024
Hi Reader
That was the first thing Susan said to me.
“Paul, why is leadership so fu@k!ng hard??”
She looked me straight in the eye; not in confrontation but with the longing of someone who feels stuck and like her best efforts are futile.
What an intro to our first coaching session!
But I know how she feels.
We’ve all been there, right?
And so we immersed into the belly of the issue.
What followed was interesting & applies to you as much as to Susan....
Your Read Time is = 4 minutes
At a Glance....
Why is Leadership so Fu@k!ng hard?? 🤷♂️...that was the first thing this head-coach said to me...read on to see what came next
A Masters Voice - A Leadership Lesson from a passage of a book I've read.
The Leaders Coach YT? - New video coming next week that brings to life a topic we spoke about last week (remember "Heading Upstream"??). Head over to the channel now, subscribe & get notified when it drops!
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Now, let’s see what happened next with Susan…but first check out our newsletter sponsor,
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In many ways she asked THE question....
Image Credit: Jen Theodore
Very often I get asked “Paul, what exactly is that you do?”
I could give a fluffy answer grounded in marketing speak but I think it’s better to give this real-life example AND give you something practical from this week’s edition.
Susan (not real name) is a head coach for the past 2 years.
Her honeymoon period is over. And now she’s feeling tension morph into stress and all the cloudiness that this brings.
She’s been trying to wade through the deep waters by herself but isn’t having much joy; she feels alone, isolated and it's like no one understands. She’s great at making sure that everyone around her (“my people” in her words) is doing great. But when it comes to her needs, they’re largely ignored because all anyone sees is this strong “Wonder Woman” figure who has every angle boxed off.
And keeping up this appearance is killing her performance as a leader because it’s hurting Susan, the person.
And so she asked me that question.
And what followed was a challenging conversation.
Challenging in the sense that I need to be Susan’s ally, not her pal.
I need to help her begin to find an answer from within.
To do it with her and not for her.
A Newsletter worth checking out....
It Got Me Thinking...
By Dan Mickle | Mental Performance Coach
It Got Me Thinking is a must-read newsletter that explores the mental side of performance, offering insights and strategies to strengthen mindset, build resilience, and unlock potential in sports, competition, and everyday life.
And so I poked an already emotional person by asking her to go a bit deeper. To help me understand what was the exact question she wanted help with.
Because to simply answer her first question would be to partake in the ‘pity party’ and give her an hour of talk that, while soothing to the ego, would not be worth a bag of beans back in head-coach world the next day.
And so we went deeper. I offered that I thought she was asking an emotional question rather than a rational one.
An icy stare followed. But that’s normal for me!
So, in the interests of your time, what was her more rational question?
She landed on “how can I stop being a pretty average leader?”
Not a bad progression but not what we were looking for. Not a place we can move forward from.
Icy stare moves to blank look. Emotions are melting away.
So I prompt “replace the word ‘stop’ with ‘start’”
And eventually (after 20 minutes) it comes…..”How can I start meeting the challenge of being a better leader every day?”
It’s a positively framed question grounded in a growth mindset and approach.
And, crucially, it gets Susan to acknowledge that she is already a good leader.
But also acknowledge that leadership is a rollercoaster ride with peaks and troughs.
It will always be fu@k!ng hard. End of.
When you see that and accept the dips, you see too that riding out the dips is the key and the key is how we view them.
They’re inevitable & frequent. But if we’re focused on simply being ‘Every Day Better’ then we have our feet planted in the now with a focus on what we need to do to get the outcome we want.
You can only foster better performance in your people if you live on the edge of your comfort zone. But on the right side of the line where you’re asking yourself the most rewarding question(s).
Where you’re focused on finding the best way instead of letting everyone have your way.
Where you share not just the formula but the method and behaviours that bring it to life.
Where you look at leadership like “eating an elephant” - it’s best broken down into small, manageable & digestible chunks over a period of time.
Chunks like Capability, Character & Competence.
You are all talented leaders - all in a different way but talented nonetheless.
And talent gets you into the game; it’s the price of entry.
It gets you to the table, so to speak. But it does not mean you eat.
How you nurture, facilitate & optimise that talent is what really matters. And before you do that for others you need to do it for yourself - You MUST put on your own life vest first.
Living “Every Day Better” determines your daily improvement, performance, outcomes and results.
It keeps intrinsic fires burning, allows growth & self-care and maintains your positive momentum.
It can be the difference that makes the difference.
And that’s my job right there. That’s what I’m doing with the other “Susans” I work with.
Helping you understand that you can only give what you’ve got.
"Fine Lines" - For leaders in commercial, sport & volunteer-led organisations who'd rather be told the truth than told they're doing fine. We talk weekly about human performance under sustained pressure.
Fine Lines is a weekly newsletter at the intersection of organisational prosperity and human development - for leaders who have already tried the obvious fixes and are now asking better questions. Each Tuesday: one idea from real experience and research, examined with enough rigour to be useful and enough honesty to sting slightly. The equation running underneath every edition: Capability × Ability = Performance. Most interventions address the Ability side. Fine Lines addresses the variable nobody is measuring. If you want frameworks and inspiration there are better newsletters. If you want your thinking challenged and, occasionally, your assumptions dismantled then you are in the right place.
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